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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Archytas' LiveJournal:

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Saturday, October 29th, 2016
10:19 pm
i like whiskey
i drink it
i am going to be a dad

(in the teeth)

Wednesday, October 30th, 2013
3:30 am
yeah, so i went with what i thought. i went in to kiss her.
her life is a 'little too complicated.'

i feel so stupid

the fox


like you're the only one

(in the teeth)

Thursday, October 24th, 2013
1:50 am
coming to terms
so imagine the five worst words you could possibly wake up to.
those words would probably be "do you still love me?"
imagine now, the worst word that could follow, because that word is a lie.
that word is "yes".

it is coming close to two years, and i still think about her every day. i wake up to thoughts of 'what could have been' and 'what if' and 'maybe if i'd done...'

no, i do not miss her. but i do miss having... someone.

i fear being alone, but the only other thing i fear is not being alone.

(in the teeth)

Wednesday, September 25th, 2013
3:13 am
so i'm 34 now.
just got out of a friendly game of of thrones conversation

no, jon is not dead

saw and talked to a girl i like. the one with the star wars tats. and the great smile.

between you and me, i hope we can hang out again soon.

getting old fucking blows

(in the teeth)

Monday, August 19th, 2013
3:17 am
yeah, i wanted to kiss her. i should have tried. i could have. the fox.

(in the teeth)

Thursday, July 18th, 2013
3:35 am
never not be
just minding my own, drinking some cider. and in she walks. holding the hand of some bearded hipster dude. i waved hello. i got the stink-eye that i have received so many times. that was it. that was our entire interaction. so why. why? am an up at 3:30 worrying and fretting?

i wanted her to be happy. i want her to be happy. i really hope he is.

i took my shot with her and it didn't work.
so i took a shot with the fatter, blacker version of her, that, surprisingly, didn't work either.

so where do i go from here? i know i'm going to see her around, and i know she's moved on. and thats what i wanted. her to be happy. but for some reason, and i don't know why, i still want to put a fucking bullet into my head.

(in the teeth)

Wednesday, May 15th, 2013
2:17 am
sweet georgia brown
so. six months. that sucks. i had higher hopes for myself. lets start from the beginning:
i was involved with a girl that i work with (hint, it surprisingly isn't Rachel) and it was fun for a long time. and by fun, i mean we had lots of awesome, run-of-the-mill sex. lots though.
lots.
then, i started seeing parallels. bad ones. needy kinds. manipulative kinds. guilty kinds.

anyway, there is a lot more i need to say, but i can't now.

so today i saw babe for the first time in a year and a half. i hoped for better but expected much, much worse.
by friday our legal bond will be broken.

seven years. i will never not be sad about that.

in the end, i will say this: i want for her what i've always wanted for her.
to be happy.

one of these days i'll get something right.

probably not

(in the teeth)

Saturday, November 24th, 2012
4:10 am
very long story very short: i am going to st. louis in january.



also, bonus short story: i was diagnosed with the family disease.Gout!

(in the teeth)

Tuesday, September 25th, 2012
2:39 pm
suck it, 32, you were the worst year ever

(in the teeth)

Monday, September 17th, 2012
2:08 pm
and THEN

(3 kicks | in the teeth)

Saturday, September 15th, 2012
4:53 am
got kelly clarkson on adderols number.
emailed alison. haven't done that in more than a few years.

looking at what i am and what i do; all i see is a big steaming bowl of whisky tango foxtrot.

i don't like the girl that likes me. i have never been on this side of unrequisition.
i feel weird and kind of bad.
she just got diagnosed. yeah, with THAT. again.

Current Mood: uncomfortable

(in the teeth)

Sunday, August 12th, 2012
4:22 am
i don't care if i have a shot. i'm taking one

(in the teeth)

Wednesday, August 1st, 2012
3:36 am
i guess strike three? she didn't even look at me.

i lost this one. i can't lose anymore.

(in the teeth)

Tuesday, July 31st, 2012
4:35 am
i guess i think some things that aren't

(in the teeth)

Sunday, July 22nd, 2012
4:30 am
One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impair'd the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;


and me. grinning like an idiot.
again.

Current Mood: giddy

(in the teeth)

Friday, July 13th, 2012
2:17 am
i don't know. i don't like the the terms 'warrior' or 'elite'.
but i am pretty sure i am both.

episodes 3 and 4.
breakfast.
snore.

snore.

daylight.

finally snore.

(in the teeth)

Sunday, July 1st, 2012
3:53 am
now i feel stupid. just stupid. i held her hand and i smiled and she smiled back and we talked and smiled and i squeezed her hand and she squeezed back. i remember that feeling and i missed it. i touched her leg and she touched my neck. it was nice. i remember that feeling and i missed it.

then she withdrew and told me about a boy who was nice to her and wasn't an asshole to her and listened to her and liked her. i remember that feeling too, and i hate it.

i can't win a game when i don't understand the rules.

so as it was, so ever shall it be.

(in the teeth)

Wednesday, June 27th, 2012
3:55 am
not a good day
co worker is probably getting fired. he called the black girl a nigger. can't do that, not on my watch.

my hometown is on fire. it will burn to the ground.

how am i supposed to sleep?

(in the teeth)

Sunday, June 24th, 2012
3:50 am
i wish that i could say 'come on over'
and she would. but she won't because i won't.

(in the teeth)

Wednesday, June 20th, 2012
6:21 am
can't be called a walk of shame if there is no shame in it.

holy crap star wars three is stupid.

(in the teeth)

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